“Three years ago, I lugged a suitcase the size of a Fiat 500 up three flights of stone stairs to move into my host family’s apartment; it was the first day of my study abroad program in Florence.
I shook my mamma italiana’s hand, proud to use the word piacere for the first time in a real-life setting, learned the word for ‘unpack,’ then struggled through an explanation of my academic concentration, musical preferences and family background over dinner while mamma Ila and her two daughters nodded patiently through my bumbling in Italian.
That was the first night of what was to become three years of growing into a modern-day, multinational ‘family’ of four Little Women. After some hilarious hiccups, serious linguistic lows, culture-based frustrations (which only decrease in frequency but never disappear) and Hallmark-card-reminiscent revelations of familial affection, I still call the Marini-Ricci residence my home and its inhabitants my acquired family members. However, no matter how much time passes, the fact remains that they have been a family much longer than ‘we’ have, and certain guidelines always apply when you find yourself making someone else’s home your own.
Spending your first few weeks in your new home? Here’s some advice from a seasoned screw-up in the host-family environment”.
1. Pay attention to details. It’s paramount. Observing and adapting to the modus operandi and schedule of your host family will make everything easier! Know when they wake up, what time they usually have dinner, the division of labor in the kitchen. At the most basic level, this could simply mean not taking phone calls at midnight with your sticky Skype reception, which will likely wake not only the whole palazzo, but also your poor mamma italiana, who likely already spent the day agonizing over the filthy clothes collection you keep on your bedside table. Some of that student handbook advice will score you some major bonus points a casa: turn off the lights when you leave the room, take short showers because water may as well be pay-per-drop in Italy, wear slippers at all times and dry your hair in the winter, even if you’re staying in (the latter two will save you some exhausting sermons about buona salute).
2. Know when to disappear. Host families need their space just like you do. Some days, there might be a little arguing in the kitchen, enraged hand gestures transmitted by phone, or perhaps a special visitor dropping by with flowers (single Italian mammas date into their 90s!). Don’t leave it up to them to find a hiding place; always have a place to go when that apartment needs to be sans students. It’s fine if that safe spot is just your room (use your door). Also, host-family agreements often include a ‘day off’ clause, meaning that at least once a week, the family’s not expected to cook for you. Respect it! Go find a new restaurant that night. Best investment when living with relative strangers? Noise-canceling headphones.
3. Get ready to blush. You’re here to learn the culture and language, right? Keep your ears open and your mouth moving! Unless you snagged a great language partner (I’ve found that statistic runs about one in a million) or a gallant ganzo within your first week, the host mother or father is a speed-talking, socially uninhibited Rosetta Stone at your disposal and, at times, expense. Talk at the table, listen to the teenaged sister for some useful vernaholo (a ‘Florentinism’ here and there will get you some serious mileage with disgruntled locals of all kinds) and ask, ask, ask! Most Florentines have been a little jaded since the last national elections and seldom actually believe that a foreigner would want to learn about Italian culture. Prove them wrong and get down to the details: holidays, catch phrases, the subjunctive, politics! You’ll make some hilarious mistakes along the way. To get you going down the right path, remember this: the Italian word for ‘fig’ is masculine, and Tuscans say spazzare when they’re going to sweep the floor.
4. Be yourself (respectfully)! Everything takes time, but being open, honest and, above all, kind will get things rolling and comfortable from the get go. Can’t stomach the baby squid and spinach? You’ll have to open your mouth twice: once to taste it (even though it looks like washed-up kelp), and once to say it’s not your favorite and you’ll stick with bread and salad. It’s okay! When you do like something (99.9 percent of the time this will be the case), rave loudly about how good that tiramisu is. Stereotypes aren’t always true, but Italian mothers savor the soddisfazione of your plea for seconds. Having a bad day? No need to wall up: Italians have been conditioning their commiserating since Boccaccio. Odds are they’ll either have good advice, or will have already understood every angle of your agony at your ‘Allora . . .’ Be direct about what is and is not working for you. Hate it when Amici is blasting in the living room while you’re trying to learn your reflexive verbs? Just politely ask your ‘hostfam’ to turn the volume down. Send a text if you’re not sleeping at home or will arrive later than expected, ask whether or not it’s possible to keep some items in the fridge, find out where the plunger is: the sooner you establish an environment of open communication, the smoother the sailing. No one should have to be perpetually uncomfortable in a host-family situation.
5. Open up to new possibilities, points of view and the prospect of letting unexpected, entirely different people into your life. Go to mass, learn some Vasco songs from your 35-year-old host brother who lives in the room next to yours, watch Rai Uno, get your host nonna to tell you about WWII Florence, help your little Italian sister with her homework. To repeat: open up to new flavours (if you’re anything like me, octopus and potatoes night may become as exciting as your birthday). Florence is an international gastronomic mecca! Taste the tripe! Eat grapes with seeds!
This may just be your only taste of Florence… tuffati!
Looking for affordable student housing in Florence or a place to stay for a longer holiday break? Inexpensive and centrally located rentals like this flat near via de’ Benci are waiting for you!
