‘Non si fa’

‘Non si fa’

Italians, as a race, are fairly relaxed. They will not obsess about politically correct word choice or nit-pick about pseudo moral dilemmas. They have great capacity to put things in perspective and avoid unnecessary fuss. But there are some things that you cannot do in Italy. Some things that

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Thu 06 Oct 2005 12:00 AM

Italians, as a race, are fairly relaxed. They will not obsess about politically correct word choice or nit-pick about pseudo moral dilemmas. They have great capacity to put things in perspective and avoid unnecessary fuss. But there are some things that you cannot do in Italy. Some things that are just not done. Never have been done. Never will be done. Why? Simply because non si fanno. Non si fanno e basta. They are not done and that is all. No explanation offered, no justification provided. In this country, non si fa is reason enough.

 

I’ve started keeping a Non Si Fa List and often ask for contributions from those of us who, through trial and error, delight in discovering the taboos of Italian society. If you want to live peaceably in Italy, know that there’s no going to bed with wet hair. No showering after meals either. It blocks the digestion and could be deadly. No shorts in the city even if it’s August. This is especially true for women. Skirts are considered much more attractive. No eating without a tablecloth. Even Italian college students have an aversion to bare tables. They’re not beautiful.

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At the very least, you can opt for place mats, which incidentally are known as tavolette americane. No matter how bad the cold, there’s no using toilet paper to blow your nose. Cloth hankies are common even for men. Avoid giving out carnations and chrysanthemums unless you are on your way to the cemetery.  No parmesan cheese on fish pasta. No mixing sweet and savory.  No washing your hair every day. Even the hairdresser will say that it’s unhealthy, and that oil is a good thing for the scalp. No draughty open windows, even if there is no draft within a 30 km. radius. No cappuccino to go. And please, no itemizing the bill. Get over yourself. If you go out with the same friends with some regularity it will all even out in the end.

Illustration by Leo Cardini

Illustration by Leo Cardini

 

Non si fa. Non si fa. Non si fa. These may seem like minor Italian idiosyncrasies, that can simply be overlooked by the magnanimous and liberal minded. Maybe, but, the truth is, Italians are not free-thinkers. They are fun, creative, and sometimes brilliant, but they are not free-thinkers. Social expectations occupy too much of their psyche. Moral obligation and tradition has dibs on at least eighty percent of their personal choices. So if you plan on staying in Italy long, you’ll soon discover that the non si fa admonition is a big fat hairy deal, especially when it comes to intercultural relationships and day to day survival.

 

Take my friend Jonnel for example. She married her Italian husband two years ago in Florence. Believe me when I say that Jonnel is not the obsessive wedding planner type who felt impelled to micro manage her “I Do Day”. She wanted a simple do-it-yourself type of wedding where the guests actually had a good time. She also wanted centerpieces to decorate each table, and since it was a winter wedding, she thought to opt for simple bouquets of brightly colored tulips.

 

The florist would not oblige. “Non si fa,” he said. “You cannot have tulips for weddings in Italy.” The fact that she wanted to get married with tulips and was willing to pay for them made no difference. Why? Tulips are not a wedding flower. Period. Jonnel was left both tulip-less and speechless. Such formal anti-flower convictions are hard to swallow for someone who comes from a place where you can get married in a drive-thru. 

 

Alas, non si fa experiences are crouching in corners all over Florence like accidents waiting to happen. Go to the good sandwich place on via dei Neri, and scout out the selection of delicacies that can go between two slices of salty foccaccia. “I’d like a panino with prosciutto cotto, stracchino cheese and creamed artichoke hearts,” you tell the guy behind the counter.

 

“No. I can’t give you that combination.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Non si fa. Two soft ingredients will turn to mush.”

 

Don’t do it. Don’t insist. Don’t tell him that you like mushy. Don’t tell him that you’ve been craving mushy all day. It doesn’t matter. Just let him give you the sandwich he thinks you should eat. In Italy, once non si fa is out of the bag, there is no way to win. Non si fa. Non si fa e basta.

 

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Enjoy more of Linda Falcone’s humorous
insights
on Italian culture in her two classic
books published by
The Florentine Press!

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